Not Her, But As Close As It Gets
by Irish American 67
Summary: Both Satsu and Faith are in love with Buffy, but their love remains unrequited. So, they do the natural thing. They turn to each other.
1. Chapter 1

Not Her, But As Close As It Gets

Summary: Both Satsu and Faith are in love with Buffy, but their love remains unrequited. So, they do the natural thing. They turn to each other.

Chapter 1...

"Buffy..." Faith had the blonde Slayer's undivided attention now. Faith never used Buffy's full name. "Buffy, I... um... I love you."

"I love you too, Faith." Buffy said casually, wondering why Faith was so serious. "I mean, come on, we're almost sisters. Sure, we fight and all, but at the end of the day, we're still best friends."

"No, Buffy, I _love_ you." Faith said, putting emphasis on the word love.

Realization hit Buffy like a freight train.

"Oh. I see..." Buffy suddenly felt light headed. She'd had people crushing on her, she'd had people who liked her, she'd even had a stalker once. She'd had people tell her they loved her before, that wasn't the issue. The issue was they were all guys. She's never had a girl fall in love with her before.

And now she had two in one day.

"Buffy, please say somethin'." Faith looked away, suddenly ashamed of what she'd said.

"I... I thought I did?"

"'Oh. I see' doesn't count, B. Respond, please. I'm over here, feelin' like a total idiot, and it would really help if you'd actually say somethin'."

"Faith, I... I don't know what to say... I... um... god, you'd think I'd have thought more about being in this situation since earlier."

"What?"

"Oh, um... Satsu... remember the girl I've been working with? She... um... well, she told me... the same thing... earlier today."

"Oh... I see."

"Um... I guess... I've got to tell you the same thing I told her earlier. I'm... not gay. I'm straight. Strictly heterosexual. My sex-compass is fixed to guys."

"Oh... I see..."

"I'm sorry, Faith... God, before today, I've never even had a girl hit on me, now I've had to break two of my best friends' hearts in one day."

"Yeah... I'm sorry..."

"Oh, don't be!" Buffy said, grabbing Faith by the shoulders and squeezing. "Believe me, I'm flattered! I... I just don't... swing that way..."

"Nah, I get it. Not for everyone, ya know." Faith smiled, trying, and failing, to hide her tears. "I mean, not like I'm the only one who's ever been turned down like this..."

Buffy hugged Faith tight, but Faith didn't hug back.

"Look, let me just... Let me just try something..." Buffy said. She really didn't want to hurt Faith or Satsu.

"What?" Faith asked, curious.

"Let me just... try something... really quick." Buffy let out a deep breath and made up her mind. She slowly pulled Faith in and kissed her.

She quickly licked Faith's bottom lip, and Faith sighed into it, opening her mouth to accept Buffy's tongue. Their tongues wrestled for a while, Faith's mind completely blank.

But Buffy ended it way too soon. She pulled away, tears in her eyes, and at first, Faith took it as a good sign.

_Was it really _that_ good for her?! _Faith nearly smiled, but then caught the look of horror on Buffy's face.

"What? What is it?" Faith asked, choking up.

"Nothing..." Buffy said softly.

"No, that is _not_ nothing. What's wrong?"

"No, I mean... I don't... I felt..."

"Nothing..." Faith finished.

Buffy nodded, and watched as Faith turned and stormed away, emotions warring inside her. Disappointment, sadness, anger... they were killing Faith as she slammed the door to Buffy's apartment behind her.

**Okay, so, this is the first story I've done involving Satsu. I must confess, I know virtually nothing about Satsu, other than the fact that she was the only girl Buffy ever slept with in the comics, and I pulled that off of the internet. I've been seeing her name in a few stories I've read, and each story I read involving her has something to do with her being in love with Buffy, so I thought, why not give it a shot? Anyway, please keep the flames at a minimum in quantity AND quality!**


	2. Chapter 2

Not Her, But As Close As It Gets

Chapter 2...

Faith stormed into a bar. Didn't pay attention to which bar, it was just the first one she saw. She slammed the door shut behind her and approached the bar, every head in the building turning to her. She made her way up to the bar quickly, not caring who was watching her.

"Can I get you something?" The bartender asked cautiously.

"Would I be up here if I didn't want somethin'?" Faith asked irritably.

"No, I suppose not. I should have asked _what_ canI get you?"

"That's better. Jack."

"Jack?"

"Yeah. Jack. As in Daniels. Tell me you've never heard of it."

"Oh. Right. Sorry, thought you were calling _me_ Jack for a minute."

"Just get me the damn shot." Faith growled.

She heard someone clicking their tongue next to her, and she whirled around to knock him out, but that someone caught her fist.

_Only ones with reflexes and strength like that are Slayers._ Faith thought to herself. Then, she got a good look at the girl behind the fist.

_Holy hell. It's Satsu._

"You know, you might get farther in life by being polite." Satsu said, never looking away from her own glass.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Faith growled.

"Thought it was obvious." Satsu said monotonously. "I _was_ trying to get drunk, but I guess I look younger than I am, 'cause the bartender won't serve me anything but non-alcoholic beer, even after I showed him my ID."

"Damn. Sucks to be you."

"Yeah. More than you know."

"Oh no, I know." Faith pulled her fist away and downed the shot of Jack before turning back to Satsu. "B told me."

"Oh." Satsu looked down.

"Yeah, oh. Like I said. Sucks to be you. I mean, I know how ya feel, but at least I can get drunk. I guess I've always looked older than I actually am, 'cause I've been drinkin' since I was seventeen."

"How can you possibly know how I feel? One, you're into guys. Two, you're the heartbreaker, not the broken heart type."

"Well, today at least, you're wrong. On both accounts."

"What?" That got Satsu to look at Faith directly.

"Yeah. That's what I was doin' over at B's, ya see. Tellin' her how I feel."

"Wait..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pick your jaw up off the floor why don't ya? Yeah, I love Buffy. Fuck, I'm in love with Buffy." Faith growled as a tear rolled down her cheek. "So you and me, I guess we're in the same boat. Both of us in love with the Chosen One, both of us girls, both of us rejected on account of her non-gayness."

"Damn. You know, when we Slayers screw up, we screw up big time."

"Yeah. Guess so."

"I mean, like 99% of all Slayers sre gay or bisexual, and we fall for pretty much the only one who isn't."

"Sounds about right to me. I've always had that kinda luck."

"Same here." Satsu swallowed her drink, but made a face. "This is getting me nowhere."

"Lemme help you with that." Faith whistled for the bartender. "Gimme two shots of Jack, would ya?"

The bartender nodded and poured Faith two glasses. When he wasn't looking, Faith passes Satsu one of the glasses.

"There. Try that on for size."

"What's Jack?" Satsu asked.

"Seriously? Never heard of good ol' Jack Daniels?"

"No."

"That's the good stuff. Jack Daniels Tennesee Whiskey."

"Whiskey? I've never drank anything stronger than lite beer."

"Damn. Learn to live a little." Faith said, then downed her second shot.

Satsu looked back at her glass, then hesitantly tipped it up and swallowed before she could taste it.

"Two more!" Faith called to the bartender.

Three hours later, both of them were stumbling into Faith's apartment attacking each other's lips furiously. The door slammed behind them, and they tore at each other's clothes. Faith took off her own jacket, not wanting to ruin her favorite possession, but everything else was gone in a flash with Satsu's adept hands peeling back Faith's layers of clothing with ease.

Faith slammed Satsu against the wall, still attacking her lips, and pulled away slightly so she could breathe.

"Gotta warn ya, S. I'm not the sweet and gentle type. I do it hard, and rough."

"Good." Satsu breathed, then gasped as Faith pushed into her forcefully with two fingers.

She didn't stop to let Satsu adjust, just pumped her hard and fast, and the Asian Slayer was already squirming under her touch.

Faith used her free hand to pin Satsu's hands above her head, Satsu thrusting down with her hips in time with Faith's thrusts.

Faith heard her phone ringing from her jeans, which were somewhere over by her bed.

_"Call from... B..." _The Caller ID read out loud, then some ironic pipe organ rock music started playing as Buffy's ringtone.

Faith ignored it and started thrusting even harder as the thought of Buffy enraged her more and more.

"F-f-fuck!" Satsu stammered, her movements becoming more and more erratic as she drew closer to her climax.

Satsu pulled out of Faith's trap before she could reach her release, though, then pushed Faith down to the floor and immediately slammed into the raven-headed Slayer with a grunt, and she, too, was merciless in her thrusts.

_"Call from... B..."_ The phone rang again as Buffy called again.

Satsu woke up first. Her head was pounding, and she felt sick to the stomach. She didn't recognize anything around her, and she felt something soft pressing up against her on the hard floor.

She looked down and saw Faith beside her. Both of the two girls weren't wearing anything. Satsu felt something coming up, so she ran to the bathroom and managed to get herself over the toilet just in time to vomit out the entire contents of her stomach from the time she was born up until this very moment.

When she was finally done, she rinsed her mouth out and tried to remember exactly what had happened the night before, but nothing was coming back. She gave up and got dressed again, then,just before sneaking out, covered Faith up with a blanket as some kind of apology.

Faith woke up alone. Her head was punding and she felt sick to the stomach. She looked around, but didn't see Satsu anywhere. Luckily, Faith always kept her room dark just in case she had a hangover when she woke up.

_Huh._ Faith thought. _This is different. She left me. I'm usually the one sneakin' out, or kickin' the other person out afterwards. But she left me._ Faith suddenly noticed the blanket on top of her.

_ That's funny. Don't remember grabbin' a blanket._

Faith went to the bathroom and vomitted for about five minutes or so, then brushed her teeth and got a shower. She got dressed in yesterday's clothes, and felt her phone in her back pocket. She pulled it out and saw that Buffy had called five times last night.

_Fuck. Better see what it was about._

She checked her voicemail.

_"You have... four new voice messages... First voice message:"_

Faith heard Buffy's voice. _"Hey, Faith... um, listen... I just wanted to say sorry about earlier... Um... could... could you call me? I'd really prefer to talk to you directly. Better yet, let's meet somewhere. I'd really like to talk to you in person."_

_ "End of message. Next message:"_

_ "Hey, Faith, it's me again. Um, I'd really like to talk to you in person. This is... something I need... I should say this directly to you, so... just call me back, and we'll meet somewhere."_

_ "End of message. Next message:"_

_ "Faith? Are you alright? I mean, you always have your phone with you. And unless you're patrolling, you almost always answer it, or call back right away. Please, I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now, but I really need to talk to you. Just... call me back, please."_

_ End of message. Next message:"_

_ "Faith? What gives? I know you're probably pissed at me, but I really think we should talk. I... I think there's something wrong, and I need to talk to you. Just... call me back."_

_ "End of new messages. To listen to your messages again, press '1'. To-"_ Faith had already heard this thousands of times before, she just skipped it and pressed '7'.

_"Messages erased. End of new messages."_ Faith hit the 'end' button on her phone and tossed her phone on the bed.

_Damn it, B. Just leave me alone, will ya? I don't want your apology right now._ Faith thought to herself, but she had already grabbed her phone, and was walking out the door heading towards Buffy's apartment.


	3. Chapter 3

Not Her, But As Close As It Gets

Chapter 3...

Faith walked up to the apartment, still unsure why she was actually there.

_B said she needs me. Said somethin's wrong._ Faith reasoned.

_Oh, come on, Faith, you know that's not true. She probably only said that so you'd go to her, then try and talk everythin' out, beg you to forgive her._

_ But who knows? Maybe there's some kinda big bad sitch, and she really needs my help._

_ You're deflecting, Lehane. You just want to see her. You're hopin' she's changed her mind, that she's gay after all, and she wants to be with you._

_ No, I'm goin' to see what I can do to help with whatever's goin' down. _

_ When you're disappointed when she doesn't give herself to you, how long do you think it'll be before you track down Satsu and fuck her all over again?_

_ Fuck this, I'm actually carrying on a conversation with myself. I'm goin' insane!_

_ Yes, love makes you crazy, doesn't it?_

_ Shut up! And stop talkin' to melike you're not me!_

_ You're doin' the same thing._

_ Shut up! I know that! It'll just be easier to stop if you do first!_

Faith growled angrily as her mind stopped talking back to herself. She reached up and started to knock on the door just as Buffy opened it, and Faith's fist connected with the blonde's nose instead.

"Ow!" Buffy said, rubbing her nose.

"Oh, sorry, B. So, what's goin' on?"

Buffy nodded, then looked around, as if she were in on some conspiracy. "Inside." Buffy said, then pulled Faith inside.

"Damn, B. What's with all the secrecy?"

"Sorry, it's just... There's something wierd going on."

"Oh yeah? What is it?" Faith asked, crossing her arms.

"Do you remember us telling you about that time Willow's gay vampire doppelganger came to town from another dimension?"

"Yeah?" Faith said skeptically.

"Well, I think the same thing is happening to me."

"What?"

"Well, I was walking down the street yesterday and this hooker came up to me and started talking to me like I was one of her clients. She asked me when I'll be coming around for another visit. Then, when I told her I didn't know her, she smacked me and claimed I was ashamed of her, and that I was giving her the cold shoulder. Everyone started eyeing me. I was very uncomfortable."

"So... You're callin' Hellmouth because of a misunderstandin'?"

"It wasn't just the hooker! Well, not that one. There was another one a while later, same thing happened, though she didn't smack me, she just winked at me, like it was some joke between us."

"Okay, sure, that's wierd, but it's happened to me before."

"Well, then I went to that Thai restaurant down the street, and I ordered my usual, but when the waitress saw me, she started yelling at me that I left earlier without paying, and she demanded payment."

"So? Those waitresses are blind as bats."

"Not this one. She was new, and she was about my age."

"So, basically, you're callin' Hellmouth because you had a bad day?" _Told ya._

"Well... if you put it that way... But still! I'm not even gay! Why would _two_ hookers think I was a client?! And both of them were girls!"

Faith felt her heart drop suddenly, and her inner Faith smirked at her, as if she just won a bet against herself. _Told ya again._

"Yeah, well, if you've got a gay vampire doppelganger out there, just kill her like you kill other vamps."

"I don't know if I can. Remember, I'm a Slayer, so if this really is a gay vampire version of me, then she'll have my Slayer strength, plus the strength of a vampire. It might take two, or even three of us to take her down."

"Yeah, well, remember what you said happened with Red's vamp clone?"

"What about it?"

"When you met her, she was gay, but Red was straight. Then Red ended up gay. I got curious about that, 'cause that's a big coincidence, so I asked Angel about it. He said that vampires are basically the same as their human selves, just without inhibitions, plus the whole minus a soul thing. So if someone's vampire self is gay, then so are they. In other words-"

"Yeah, I get what you're getting at." Buffy snapped. "But I'm not gay. If I was, I'd probably be attacking you right now. We'd probably be in bed together in the next few seconds."

"Really?" Faith smirked, wiggling her eyebrows, and Buffy gulped.

_Did I really just say that?_ Buffy asked herself.

"Well, whatever, B. Look, I'll keep an eye out for some kind of clone of you, and I'll let you know if I find anything."

"Okay, thanks. Oh, just curious..."

"What?"

"Did... did you, by any chance... run into Satsu... last night?"

"Why?"

"Well, I tried to call you several times last night, but you never answered. I also tried to call her a few times, too, but she didn't answer, either. I was just wondering if... maybe..."

"What? If Satsu and I hooked up last night? If we fucked each other to get back at you? Could you get over yourself, B? God, you're so narcissistic!"

"Actually, I was just wondering if you'd seen her at all. I was wondering if she's okay."

"Oh."

"But now that you mention it... did you? I mean, not to get back at me, but... still... did you? Sleep with her, I mean?"

"Well damn, B, I don't think that's any of your business! But since you're obviously dyin' to know, no, I did not... make love... to Satsu!" _That's technically true. I didn't make love to her, I fucked her. She fucked me, I fucked her, we fucked each other. Wasn't anything "loving" about it. It was just sex._

"Okay, I was just asking. But still, do you know if anything's happened to her?"

"Nah. Last I saw her, she was at a bar, tryin' to learn how to drink. I walked up, gave her some pointers, then we left."

"Together?"

"Well, we left at the same time. But like I said, I didn't make love to Satsu. I went home, she went home." _Sometime this morning._

"Damn. Well, I really need to find her. I don't want her running into my doppelganger, if that's what's going on, and then getting pissed at me over whatever happens."

"True, well, I'll keep an eye out for her, too." Faith said as she walked away.

"Oh Faith!" Faith turned around. "I'm sorry."

"For what, B?"

"For not being... you know... gay. I'm sorry."

"Not your fault."

"I know... but if I could change it... I would."

"Yeah, but then either Satsu or me would still be pissed, and even more, 'cause it would hurt that you chose one of us over the other. You can't guarantee you'd choose either of us, or even one of us at all. You might go for someone completely different. We'll get over this, and we'll both move on. Satsu'll find some Asian chick and hit it off, and I can go back to fuckin' whoever I want. It's a win-win. The only one who loses here is you, B. You lose triple-time. You lose out on two extremely hot girls, and you lose 'cause it never works out with guys for ya. They either end up evil, gay, dead, or leavin'. Like I said, you're the only one who loses." It hurt Faith to see the tears of anger and hurt rolling down Buffy's face, but she felt like she had to lash out.

"Faith, that... How could you say something like that? That... That really hurts."

"Yeah... I'm sorry, B. I'm... I was just still a little hurt, and a little pissed... I don't get rejected very often, if ever. And it _really_ hurt comin' from you. 'Cause you're the first person I've ever... ya know, actually liked. I mean... I... I love you... Still do, even though you rejected me. Don't think that's gonna go away any time soon."

"Faith, I-"

"No. Just... Just don't say anything. Nothin' you can do or say is gonna make everythin' work out for everyone. Sure, you end up gay after all, and you and I get together, I'll probably be jumpin' for joy. Hell, I'm not too badass to say I'd probably be the happiest person alive. But Satsu... She loves ya, too, B. I can tell it's not just some schoolgirl crush, either. She's actually in love with ya. Even if you and me get together, and that's still a major 'if', she'll end up resentin' both of us. I've already pissed off more people than I've ever wanted to in my life, and I'm not keen to add someone like Satsu to that list. So... Just don't say anythin', B. It just won't work." Faith cupped Buffy's cheek affectionately, then turned and left.

It was dark out now, so Faith was walking around town, her stake tucked in her jeans behind her. She stayed mainly in the dark alleys, killing any vamps she came across. Finally, she heard a familiar voice. She walked towards Buffy, intending to apologize for the way she left things earlier that day. What she saw when she finally found Buffy threw her for a loop.

Buffy was kissing another girl.

She was pressing the girl against the wall, one leg between the girl's legs, and there was excessive amounts of tongue involved.

_Was B right about the doppelganger?_ Faith wondered, and whipped out her phone. She didn't even have to look at the buttons to type in Buffy's number, she'd memorized it.

The Buffy Faith was looking at jumped backwards, as if startled, and she started looking around, like she didn't know where she was.

"What the?" Buffy said, sleepily. "Where am I?"

"Um... you're right here. What happened? Why'd you stop?" The girl Buffy had been kissing asked.

"Um... who are you?" Buffy asked.

"Calia..." the girl replied, as if it were obvious. "Why'd you stop kissing me? Was I really that bad?"

"Kissing you? Why would I be kissing you? I'm straight. Guys only."

"Really? Seriously? You _just _ had your tongue down my throat."

"What? No way. How'd I even get here?" FInally, Buffy felt her phone vibrating in her pocket. "Hello?" She answered.

"Hey, B, it's me."

"Oh, hey, Faith. Listen, something wierd is definitely happening. I just woke up in the middle of town, and some girl is saying I was making out with her. Could you trace my phone or something and come get me? I don't know where I am."

"Yeah. I do."

"What? How?"

"'Cause I'm lookin' right at you. I called to tell you I found your doppelganger, but then the doppelganger answered your phone." Buffy looked around, and suddenly saw Faith standing on the other side of the street, her phone to her ear, and tears streaming down her face. Tears of anger, hurt and betrayal. "B, I don't know what you're tryin' to pull, but it's not funny." Faith hung up the phone and ran away before Buffy could approach her and say anything.

Satsu couldn't believe what Faith was telling her. Buffy was actually kissing another woman? The hurt in Faith's eyes confirmed her story, leaving no room for lies.

"Wait, Buffy was actually_ kissing_ another woman? On the lips?"

"Tongue and everything. When I talked to her earlier, she said she thought there was some kind of doppelganger or somethin' goin' around kissin' girls and whatnot, so when I saw her kissin' Calia, I called B to tell her I found the doppelganger. Only, the doppelganger I thought I was seein' answered the phone. It was actually B. She's playin' us. Lyin' to us."

"I... I can't... I don't believe it. It... It can't be... Why would Buffy lie to us about that?"

"I don't know, S. I just don't know." They fell silent for a few minutes before Faith slumped over, burying her face in her arms on the table in front of her, and her shoulders started shaking with her sobs.

Soon, Satsu was in tears as well.

Faith found herself in a familiar situation. She could have sworn she and Satsu had gone back to her apartment together, and the fact that Faith could still feel the activities of the previous night proved she wasn't just insane. But Satsu was, again, nowhere to be seen.


	4. Chapter 4

Not Her, But As Close As It Gets

Chapter 4...

Faith walked up to Satsu's apartment. Well, stormed was more like it. She stormed up to Satsu's front door.

And nearly broke it down when she knocked.

"What?" Sastu griped when she opened the door.

"Okay, what's your problem?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Twice now... We've slept together twice, and both times, you just up and left without so much as a 'see ya later'! What gives?!"

"Oh, that's rich, coming from you. I've heard about your personal escapades! 'Get some, get gone' sound familiar to you? Feels different when you're the one getting left, doesn't it?"

"At least I told them I was leaving! I don't care that it didn't mean anythin' to you, or that you left, believe me, I don't! But I'd have liked to know you were leaving when you left! That way, I wouldn't have woken up on the cold, hard ground not wearin' anythin'! I'd have liked the chance to get into my own bed before I pass out, instead of you waitin' for me to fall asleep, then sneakin' out like it's some kind of joke!"

Satsu sighed. "You're right. I should have told you. I just... I get so comfortable after, and I just kind of fall asleep. Then I wake up, and I freaked out, and I knew you'd freak out, so I just left. I didn't think it would matter to you."

"I'm just sayin... Gimme a little warnin' next time." Faith said calmly. Satsu raised her eyebrows.

"'Next time'? You saying you're planning on it happening again?"

"What? No, I... I just-"

"You said 'next time, give me a little warning'. That means you think it'll happen again." Satsu smirked, and Faith felt like face-palming.

"Look, don't read too much into it. It was just a figure of speech."

"Okay, now say that like you actually believe it."

"I... Just shut up, okay?" Faith turned to walk away, but Satsu grabbed her arm. "Look, S... I don't know what you think is goin' on, but I don't love you. I don't like you. I mean, yeah, you're okay, but I mean, I'm not into you. I love Buffy. I'm in love with Buffy, and I'm not just sayin' that to cover this up."

"I know. Me too. I'm in love with Buffy, too."

"Then what _do_ you think is goin' on with us?"

"Nothing. Just sex. That's all. We just had sex. And now, if you feel up to it, I think maybe this time, we should try having sex _without_ alcohol." Satsu said, pulling Faith gently into her apartment, and meeting no resistance.

...

"Hey, Willow." Buffy said sheepishly.

"Buffy, what's up? You sounded worried on the phone?" Willow said as she walked in.

"Yeah. Listen, I think something's wrong."

"What? Does this have anything to do with Faith and Satsu?"

"Well, a little. But not really." Buffy had told Willow about the two girls confessing their love for her already.

"What's going on?"

"Um... I'm not sure. But... here's the thing... Here lately, a lot of girls have been acting wierd around me. I mean, I walk down the street, and this girl... a hooker... she walks up to me and tries to pick me up as a client or something. She said she'd give me half price 'this time'. She said 'this time', like we'd done it before. I told her she had me confused with someone else, but she seemed certain it was me. Then, I went to sleep last night, and Faith called me last night while I was asleep. She woke me up, and I woke up in the middle of the street. I didn't know where I was, or anything. I answered the phone and asked if she could come pick me up and take me home, but she was there with me."

"What? Why? Why would she call if she was with you?"

"Well, I told her about the hooker, and that I thought it might be some alternate reality gay vampire doppelganger like that time with your vampy twin. She was calling to tell me she'd found the doppelganger me. But then I answered the phone, and she got pissed because it wasn't really a doppelganger."

"Hmm." Willow looked like she was thinking, then something clicked, but she covered it up. "That's wierd. And you're sure you're not gay?"

"I'm sure."

"One-hundred percent positive?"

"Um... Settle for ninety-eight percent?"

"Buffy!"

"Okay, not I'm not one-hundred percent. There's a chance... a very, very, very small chance... that I might be... somewhat... attracted to girls. I... I, um... I kissed Faith, after she told me... But I didn't feel anything!"

"Maybe you just didn't _want_ to feel something."

"I did! I wanted to! I didn't want to hurt Faith. I wanted to feel something so I wouldn't hurt her!"

"Wanting to feel something and not wanting to hurt someone by not feeling anything are two totally different things, Buffy. Maybe you're just afraid to feel something, because you've been hurt so much in the past. Maybe you would have felt something if you were actually open to it."

"Willow, I may not be completely certain, but I really don't think I'm gay."

"Can I try something?" Willow asked.

"Try what?"

"Trust me?"

"What are you going to try?"

"I want to see if I can open you up. Open your heart, then... maybe... a little experiment to see if you feel anything at all."

"What kind of experiment? And what do you mean open my heart?"

"Just trust me, okay? I'm going to try to put your mind at ease about pain."

Buffy hesitated. "Okay." She agreed.

Willow nodded, then closed her eye and cupped Buffy's face awkwardly. She took a deep breath and signaled Buffy to do the same.

Buffy couldn't describe the feeling, but something changed inside her, she could feel it.

Then, Willow closed the gap between them and kissed her.

This time, Buffy could have described any number of feelings inside her. Nervousness. Awkwardness. Confusion.

But no attraction. None whatsoever.

Willow separated after a time, and looked at Buffy expectantly.

"Um... okay?" Buffy said.

"Well?"

"That was wierd."

"You felt something?"

"Yeah. Little awkward. Definitely nervous. Very confused."

"Okay... enjoyment? Did you... did you like it?"

"Um... I wouldn't say I _hated _it. But I didn't exactly enjoy it, either. Not exactly a turn on to be kissed by someone you think of as your sister."

"Well... that's true, I guess..."

"I mean, it's not like there was anything _wrong_ with it. But I wasn't... aroused... or anything."

"Oh... okay." Willow was slightly disappointed, but she still wasn't convinced that Buffy wasn't at least bisexual. "Well, I'm sure we'll figure out what's going on with the girls."

"Yeah. I hope so."

...

"Really, B?" Faith asked, starling Buffy awake again.

"Faith?" Buffy asked sleepily.

"Yeah. Faith." Faith growled. "What the hell's up with you? First, you turn down S and me 'cause you're not gay. Okay? I can handle that. It hurt like hell, but nothin' near bein' lied to. Look, if you're not interested, just say so. Don't lie to me, B. I hate bein' lied to."

Buffy looked back at the girl Faith was accusing her of kissing. She was an Asian girl, and actually quite beautiful, with long, wavy hair dark as the sky was right now.

"Faith... I didn't lie!"

Faith threw her hands up in the sky and scoffed. "Bullshit, B! I _just_ saw you makin' out with Suzuki over here!"

"Um, my name's Kelly." The girl replied.

"I don't care. Okay? I don't care what you're name is, or where you're from, or the fact that you were just suckin' face with my girl over here! I just care that you're a fuckin' girl, and _she-_" Faith jabbed a finger at Buffy, "was just tongue wrestlin' with a girl! She turned me down a few days ago 'cause she said she's straight. Meanin' no girls! Then, twice now, I'm out walkin' around at night and find her tongue fuckin' girls!"

Faith turned back to Buffy, who was in tears over Faith's anger.

"You're so fuckin' _fake_, B. I already told you, I can handle bein' rejected. It hurts, but I'll get over it. I can even handle bein' rejected by a lesbian. But I _don't_ like... I mean, I _can't stand_ bein _lied_ to! Just admit you're into girls!"

"I don't know! I don't know what the hell's going on!" Buffy yelled back, drawing the attention of everyone within shouting distance. "All I know is I'm not gay! I still like guys! But I don't know, Faith! I don't knowif I like girls! I don't know if I've always liked girls, or if it's something new! I don't know if I liked girls when I kissed you the other day! I don't know _anything_ anymore! So stop yelling at meand give me time to figure this out!"

Buffy ran away, leaving Faith standing in silence with Kelly.

"Wow. Drama." Kelly sing-songed, turning to Faith like _Can you believe that girl?_

"Shut up." Faith sighed. "You don't know shit, okay?" Faith turned and stormed off in the opposite direction. _Where the hell's Satsu?_ Faith asked herself and dialed Satsu's number.

_"Faith?"_ Satsu's voice asked. _"What's up?"_

"Where are you, S?"

_"I'm just now heading home from patrol. Why?"_

"You wanna meet up at my place or yours?"

There was silence on the other end of the line. For about a second.

_"Your place. I'm closer to your place."_

"Okay. See ya there, S." Faith hung up.

...

Satsu sat up in bed, covering herself with the blanket.

"Where ya goin'?" Faith asked.

"I... I've gotta use the bathroom." Satsu said hesitantly.

"Oh... you okay?"

"Yeah." Satsu smiled reassuringly. _No. No I'm not. I can't handle this, but how can I tell her?_

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just gotta go to the bathroom."

"Okay." Satsu got out of Faith's bed and wrapped the blanket around herself

"Hey, S?"

"Yeah?"

"You know, we're alone here. You don't have to cover up."

"It's cold." Satsu explained.

"Oh. Guess I'm just still worked up after that." Faith grinned. "You're pretty good with your tongue, you know."

"Yeah. I've been told." Satsu said as she closed the bathroom door behind her.

Instead of doing what she said she was going to do, she slumped to the ground against a wall in the bathroom.

_God, I can't take this! I can't handle it again! So soon after... I... I can't do this anymore. I can't take another rejection. I didn't think... I didn't think I'd actually fall in _love_ with Faith. Not when I'm still in love with Buffy. But Faith... She'll never be mine. Just like Buffy'll never be mine._

...

When Satsu came out of the bathroom, Faith knew something was wrong.

"Okay, seriously, S. What's eatin' you? 'Cause it ain't me. Not right now anymore."

"Actually... It kind of is." Satsu confessed.

"What? What's goin' on?"

"Faith... I didn't think this would happen. Not that first time, or the second time. We were drunk then, both times, and we just did what we thought we needed to. We did it to get back at Buffy for rejecting us. But then we did it again. Just for fun. And again. We've slept together four times, and we're going to keep coming back and doing it. I... I thought it didn't mean anything. It was just sex. Or, that's what I told you, and told myself. But... I never thought I'd actually... fall in love with you." Satsu's tears were streaming down her face as she spoke.

"What?"

"I'm in love with you. I don't know how, or why, but... I don't know... when you... when you finished... this last time, when you reached your climax... I thought, 'God, I love seeing her come. She's so beautiful.' It felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest, and I thought I was going to come just watching you. And then I thought that in that moment, I could die happy. And suddenly, I'm thinking about you dying, andthe thought of losing you... It nearly killed me. I can't stand the thought of you dying like that. But what hurts the most is the fact that you'll never be mine. I'm not going to try and convince you to take a chance on us. Your heart belongs to Buffy. All of your heart belongs to Buffy. I'd be happy with either one of you, but neither of you will ever be mine. I know that. But I can't stand to be around you because of that fact. And every time we sleep together, it's going to kill me that much more because it's just sex to you."

"Satsu?"

"That's why I'm leaving. Tonight. I'm going to leave."

"Satsu, wait, don't-."

"No, Faith. Just don't. I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself. I only ever fall in love with girls I can't have. And even if I'm wrong, and you _do_ love me... We wouldn't work. Not with both of us still pining over Buffy. Neither of us can commit to each other because we're still in love with Buffy. It just wouldn't work. So please, don't try to stop me. I'd only end up hurting you." Satsu got dressed in the silence that surrounded them and left without another word.


	5. Chapter 5

Not Her, But As Close As It Gets

Chapter 5...

Faith sat alone in the darkness of her apartment. She'd actually gone. Satsu actually left. She didn't just say shewas going to leave, then let someone talk her out of it, or find some reason to stay, she just left. Faith hadn't felt this alone since Buffy rejected her. Satsu seemed to fill the void somewhat. They'd been in the same boat. Both of them in love with the one girl neither of them could have. Both of them quickly falling for each other.

Satsu left so she wouldn't hurt Faith, but what she didn't know, was that by leaving, she'd hurt her anyway. Faith had gone to Satsu's house and searched for her, but everything was gone. The furniture was still there, but all of Satsu's weapons, her clothes, even her pillows, they were all gone. Everything was spotless, not a fleck of dust anywhere.

So now, Faith sat alone in the darkness, wondering what the hell was so wrong with her that everyone she ever loved either left her or rejected her.

Angel, Wood, Buffy, and now Satsu. It couldn't be a coincidence. What was the one thing they all had in common? Faith. They either rejected her or left her. Always. She was destined to die alone. Why was she so surprized about that? She'd accepted that fact long ago. Maybe she just got her hopes up this time. She and Satsu only slept together a few times, but still, just the fact that they kept doing it gave her hope that, maybe... maybe this one wouldn't end.

Faith's phone rang again. Buffy. Still trying to convince Faith that she had no idea what was going on. Faith let it ring through, just like she'd let the previous fifteen calls ring through.

The phone vibrated once the call was missed. Buffy would have left a voicemail.

Then, not five minutes later, the phone rang again. This time, it was a different tune. One Faith recognized, but wasn't very familiar with. She looked over and checked the caller ID. "Red" it read.

_What?_ Faith thought. Why would Willow be calling her? Mildly curious, Faith picked up the phone.

"Yeah?" Faith asked.

_"Faith? I need to talk to you. I'm coming over. Buffy's coming, too. There's something you should see." _Willow hung up before Faith could say anything else.

...

An hour later, Willow and Buffy walked into the small apartment without knocking.

"Whoa. What are you doing sitting in the dark? Someone die?" Willow asked.

"Nevermind. What's goin' on, Red?"

"Well... Just, don't interrupt me. Let me finish."

"Okay. But first, you gotta start."

"Right. Okay, here it is. Those times you saw Buffy kissing those girls, you got mad, but Buffy said she didn't know what was going on, right? Well, she's telling the truth."

"Great." Faith growled. "You got Red runnin' around, coverin' for ya now, B?"

"Faith, you promised." WIllow said with a glare.

"Fine. Sorry. Go on."

"Okay, well, I had this idea. I set up a camera in Buffy's room, so we could find out what was going on, why she doesn't remember leaving her apartment and kissing any girls. And I've got the tape here. You have a tv?"

"Yeah. Over there." Faith pointed to a corner in her apartment. Willow put the tape in the VCR and turned on the tv.

The tape was silent, but the picture was clear. But all they could see was Buffy sleeping.

"That's it? Buffy sleeps?" Faith growled.

"Let me just fast forward a bit." Willow suggested. She hit a button on the tv, and kept going until she saw movement. "It happened about an hour into the recording. Here."

Buffy started to stir in her sleep. Then, she slowly rolled over and slid out of bed, moving sluggishly. She got dressed and headed out the door without a single glance towards the camera.

"What's that supposed to prove?" Faith asked.

"Look at the wall by her bed." Willow leaned in, and saw a dark spot on the wall, with two glowing green spots in the center, like eyes.

"What the hell is that?"

"It's called the Mask of Morpheus, according to Giles." Buffy said. "He sent it to me for my birthday. He said it reminded him of my mom, so it might do the same for me. It does kind of remind me of my mom, so I kept it and put it on my wall. The day after I got it is when all those girls started acting wierd around me."

"Buffy and I started doing some research when we saw that. I found it in this book." Willow handed Faith a book and turned to the page she found it on. "Read."

Faith cleared her throat. "'The Mask of Morpheus is a relic from Ancient Greece supposedly used by the god of dreams, Morpheus, to enter people's dreams to control them. It has been discovered that Morpheus was not a god, but, in fact, a mortal sorceror who enchanted numerous items to manipulate people's bodies while they are asleep. The mask causes them to follow the path of their dreams, while Morpheus would stand by them and manipulate their dreams externally.' So wait, B's basically sleepwalkin'?"

"That's what it looks like. When she's asleep, her body automatically follows the path of her dreams. She has no control of herself. And when she wakes up, she has no memory of any of it."

_Damn. If that doesn't make me feel like a total bitch, I don't know what will._ Faith thought to herself.

"But then, wait, why would you be dreamin' about makin' out with girls?"

"That's where Willow comes in." Buffy growled. Faith finally sensed the anger emanating from Buffy, and realized it was directed at Willow.

"Red?" Faith asked.

"Well... I may or may not have cast a spell that would cause Buffy to dream about the man she was meant to be with. I just wanted to help, because she's always so lonely, and I thought, maybe if she could find love, she wouldn't be so... moody anymore. The thing is, I cast it, saying 'the man of her dreams'."

"Man?" Faith asked.

"Yeah. That's where it got jumbled. Apparently, the man of my dreams has breasts, and a distinct lack of testicles and a penis." Buffy grumbled.

"Oh. So, basically, Yamaha from yesterday is the one you're supposed to be with." Faith guessed.

"No." Willow said, and Faith turned back to her. "Buffy has, apparently, kissed numerous girls in the past few weeks."

"Great, so B's meant to be some kinda hooker for the rest of her life?" Faith joked, but earned a glare from the blonde.

"No!" Buffy said forcefully.

"No, it just means that, in order for her to find her 'other half', the one she's meant to be with, first she has to realize, and accept the fact that she's gay."

"I knew it!" Faith said.

"All this means is that I'm attracted to girls, after all. It doesn't make me gay!" Buffy shouted.

"B, you keep dreamin' about girls. Not guys. Even if you are still into guys, you keep dreamin' about girls, which obviously means you're meant to be with a girl."

Buffy was silent. "Fine. I'll give you that. But still..."

"So, apparently, she's meant to be with some asian chick with dark hair."

"That's what it looks like." Willow agreed.

"Wait, that's not true, a few of the girls that claim I slept with them were white. But the dark hair is pretty consistent." Buffy admitted.

"So what the hell does that mean?" Faith asked, frustrated. "That pretty much anyone with dark hair is far game?"

"Well, at least that rules me out." Willow joked. Buffy and Faith glared at her. "It's good. Because, you know... Kennedy. Kinda involved right now."

"Well, what color's K's hair?" Faith asked suggestively.

The color drained from Willow's face as Faith started laughing.

"I'm just screwin' with ya, Red. I mean, come on. There's no way."

Buffy nodded in agreement.

Willow sighed in relief. "Right. Well, I think the only way this is going to stop is for Buffy to find... whoever it is she keeps dreaming about."

Just then, Buffy's phone rang. It was Dawn.

"I've got to take this. I'll be right back." Buffy headed outside, leaving Faith and Willow alone.

"Faith, can I ask you a... personal question?"

Faith sighed. "Whatever. Yeah, sure."

"Um... Buffy told me about... what you said to her... and that Satsu said the same thing."

"Yeah? That's not a question." Faith snapped, angry.

"Well... I was jst wondering... Are... Are you and Satsu..."

"What? Am I fuckin' her? No."

"No?"

"No. I'm not fuckin' her. She's gone. She left. Packed her bags and left. Yeah, I fucked her a few times, and that's why she left. But I don't know where she went, so I'm not fuckin' her anymore."

"Oh." Willow didn't sound surprized. "Do you love her?"

"You said one personal question. One. You already asked your one."

"I'll take that as a yes."

Faith turned away in anger and frustration. "Fine! Yes, I love her. I'm in love with two fuckin' girls at once, and both of them rejected me. The fuckin' kicker is, one of them loves me, too! But she still left, 'cause she's afraid I'll reject her, and she can't deal."

"I... I'm sorry, Faith. But... if it helps at all... I've noticed something."

"Oh yeah? How's that supposed to help?"

"You have dark hair."

Faith laughed sarcastically. "Good eye, Red! You noticed!"

"Faith, listen to me. You have dark hair. Buffy keeps dreaming about someone with dark hair."

"Last I checked, I'm not asian."

"Yeah, I'm still trying to figure that one out. The only asian with dark hair I know is Satsu, but Buffy also keeps dreaming about white girls with dark hair. You're white. Wow, that sounded completely racist. Faith, if you ask me, I think Buffy's in love with you, she just doesn't know it yet."

Buffy walked back in as Faith started to digest that.

"What was that about?" Willow asked her.

"Oh, nothing. Dawn was just calling to ask how I'm doing. We haven't talked in a while."

"Oh. Well, we should probably go, Buffy. Maybe we can go find those girls who say you slept with them and get their pictures."

"Why?"

"Well, if we can get their pictures, I might be able to find some kind of pattern or something. Maybe I can find the most common characteristics among them and maybe piece them together. If I can do that, then we might be able to figure this dream out, and see who you're actually dreaming about. If nothing else, we might be able to narrow it down a bit."

"Oh. Well... I don't know how much that'll help. Besides, there's a bunch of them. I mean, like, a different girl every night for the past three or four weeks. It started the day after my birthday. It's going to be tough to remember them all."

"And you're sure it was a different girl every night?"

"Fairly. I think so. I mean, I don't remember anything, but I don't remember going a day since my birthday without running into someone claiming I had sex with her."

Willow whistled. "Well, this'll definitely take some time. Probably a few days. Which means we also need to be on the lookout for anyone else popping up in the next few days."

"Why not just put a camera in all of B's shirts or somethin'? That way, you can get a look at each new girl as they pop up, and no trackin' them down'll be necessary. Once this whole thing is sorted out, we take out the cameras and everythin' is back to normal." Faith suggested.

"That's a good idea. I'll stop by Verizon or something on my way home and pick up a bunch of concealable cameras." Willow agreed.

"Fine. Just make sure you sew them in the right way. Where they're facing out. Otherwise, all we'll get is an up-close shot of my chest, and that view is reserved for... well, apparently every girl in town." Buffy said grudgingly.

"Hey, not _every _girl." Faith pointed out.

"Well, somehow, I doubt you'd put up much fuss if you were next, Faith." Buffy joked. Faith paled a little.

"Not funny, B. I don't do it like that. I'm not gonna take advantage of your situation just to get laid." Faith growled.

"Faith... it... it was a joke... No need to get angry." Buffy said, taking a step towards Faith. But Faith backed up a step in anger.

"B, I love you. I don't make a habit of _rapin'_ people I care about."

"That's not what I was saying!" Buffy protested.

"Yeah? Coulda fooled me." Faith turned away in anger. Buffy didn't say another word, she just followed Willow out the door.

...

"Okay, finished." Willow said. She'd just finished sewing a camera into one of Buffy's shirts. "The camera is linked to my laptop, and it's set to record. So, tomorrow, I can look it up and see whatever you see tonight when you're out and about. Try it out." Buffy slipped the blouse on over the shirt she was currently wearing and walked around.

"Is it working?" Buffy asked.

Willow clicked on the icon on her screen and it pulled up the camera Buffy was wearing. The screen went dark for a moment, then Willow saw the back of her head. Buffy was standing right behind her.

"Yes it is. Now, if you'll just stay there for a minute or two, I just realized the back of my head is in serious need of a brush's attention." Willow pulled a brush out of thin air and started pulling the tangles out of her hair while Buffy smirked behind her.

"There. That's better." Willow said, and the brush disappeared. "Well, let me just sew the rest of these cameras into your shirts, and we'll be all set." Willow said, almost chipper.

...

Buffy watched herself on Willow's screen. _She was walking down some street neither of them recognized, then turned and walked up to a girl. Just some random girl. She wore a short blonde, almost white, wig, and had skin slightly on the pale side of caucasian. Her dark hair was long and wavy, and almost shone in the street light. She wore very tight shorts that barely went down past her hips, long black boots that went up past her knees, a low-cut black blouse that exposed a lot of cleavage, and a worn out jean jacket. She wore a lot of black eyeliner. _

_ Buffy approached her._

_ "What do you want?" The obvious hooker asked._

_ "I want to know if you take female... clients?" Buffy said, and the hooker recoiled. Obviously, not many girls tried to pick her up._

_ "Excuse me?"_

_ "Well? Do you?"_

_ "Are you seriously trying to hook up with me? Or is this just some sort of prank?"_

_ "No. Seriously."_

_ "You sound kinda tired. Sure you can keep up?" The hooker actually looked thrilled to finally have a female "client"._

_ "I should be asking you the same thing." Buffy chuckled sleepily. "What's your name?"_

_ "What do you want it to be?"_

_Buffy chuckled again._

_ Buffy leaned in and whispered something in the hooker's ear. _Neither Buffy nor Willow could tell what it was.

"Damn!" Willow cussed. "That could've cleared everything up right there!"

"Yeah." Buffy agreed.

_"Okay. Faith it is." The hooker said._

Buffy gasped. Willow smirked victoriously, but hid it from Buffy.

"So... Faith?" Buffy thought out loud.

"That's what it seems." Buffy could hear the excitement in Willow's voice.

"But wait, what about the asian girls I keep picking up? Faith isn't asian."

"Maybe they just looked enough like her that you went ahead and picked them up."

"No. That's not it. None of them really looked anything like Faith. None of the ones I can remember, anyway. I think we should give it another night or two before we jump to conclusions."

"Okay. Let's see what happens tonight, then." Willow agreed.

**Well? Waddya think? (Hopefully this chapter will earn me some frickin' reviews!) Lol, jk. (But seriously. Reviews, people!) Ignore that! (No, don't ignore that. DO IT!)**


	6. Chapter 6

Not Her, But As Close As It Gets

**AN: I've recently had an idea for another fic, I'm wondering what my fans think of it. So, here it is: It's a Post-Chosen fic where Buffy abandons her desitny as a Slayer in order to have a normal life, which is possible since there are now thousands of Slayers all around the world. She lives day-to-day for a while, then ends up with her getting a job as a professional MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) fighter, with her get-up being "The Slayer" (and she dresses up totally Van Helsing). With Slayer strength and fighting skills, no one is able to beat her, until someone does. Another masked fighter known as "The Rogue" manages to beat Buffy in the cage, and when Buffy calls for a rematch, and beats "The Rogue", she runs into one of the very things she had been trying to run away from... So? What you guys think? Like? Wanna read? Tell me in the reviews or PM (Private Message) me!**

Chapter 6...

Faith tried calling her again. Still no answer. She still couldn't believe Satsu had actually left. It just... wasn't fair. What was wrong with Faith? Everyone she loved ended up leaving her. Diana Dormer... killed by Kakistos. The Mayor... turned into a demon and killed by the Scooby Gang. Angel... he had the stupid curse, so the only way she could show him she loved him was by... not showing she loved him. Buffy... didn't love her back. And now Satsu left.

Faith felt like she was destined to be completely alone forever. She had always been alone, though. It wasn't anything new. She'd come to Sunnydale alone, she'd been alone since, and she'd probably end up dyin' alone. That was just who she was. She's the Lone Wolf type. She didn't like it, but it was time to accept it. She'd fought it for too long now.

Faith dropped her phone on the bed and looked around. The place was clean. Cleaner than it had been since she'd moved in. Only one spot in her now mostly clean apartment was messy. The place where her packed bags lay, reluctant to really leave. But it was time. She shouldn't stay. Faith had hoped that Satsu would answer, and that she'd tell her where she was, and maybe they could be together. They didn't need Buffy. They could have each other.

Faith tried one more time. She dialed Satsu's number. 9038675309. The phone rang three times, then the voicemail message played.

_"Either leave a message or hang up, 'cause I can't answer right now."_

"Hey, S... It... It's me, Faith... I, um... Where are ya? I... I wanna meet you there, and... uh... Please... call me back... I didn't realize until you actually left, but... I need ya. It's so wierd but... I mean, we only really knew each other a few days, but already... I mean..." Faith groaned. "Okay, here's the thing... I'm just gonna tell it to ya straight... You told me already that ya loved me. I love ya too, but I'd really like to say it to your face, so please, call me back, and tell me where you are. We'll... we'll meet up and... fuck, just call me back."

Faith was about to hang up, but then she heard a snifle on the other end of the line, and she knew that it hadn't actually been a voicemail.

"S? You there?" She asked.

_"Yeah... I'm... I'm here... I'm... I'm in Japan, actually. I asked Buffy to make me head of the Japan branch. I needed to get away from there."_

"Wait... B knew where you were the whole time?" Faith asked angrily.

_"Yeah. Why?"_

Faith sighed. "Nothin'. Nothin'. Look, there's some big shit goin' on here, I think, but I don't think it's a good idea for me to stick around anymore. So... I'm comin'. Okay?"

She could actually hear Satsu smile on the other end of the line.

_"Yeah. Okay. Hurry up." _Both women laughed, happy.

"I'm comin', S. I love you."

_"I love you, too, Faith."_

Faith mimicked the _click_ of a phone hanging up just on a hunch, and was suddenly deaf from the squeal of delight Satsu made when she thought Faith hung up.

"Damn, S, didn't have to bust my ear drum." Faith said, and Satsu held her breath, obviously embarassed that Faith had heard that.

_"That was messed up, Faith. Very messed up."_

Faith laughed. "But it was funny as hell." Faith actually hung up this time, before Satsu could say anything, then laid back in bed, her arms behind her head.

She had a plan. She had somewhere to go. And maybe, she'd be able to stop being a Lone Wolf after all.

A knock on her door snapped Faith out of her thoughts.

She walked over and opened the door a crack, looking out to see Willow and Buffy.

"What is it?" Faith asked. Buffy was pale, and Willow was grinning.

"You should see this." Willow said, holding up a pair of tapes.

"Umm... Having problems with my tv right now."

"I'll fix them. It's easy. Little magic, plus my tech knowledge?"

"Um... when I say problems, I mean it got stolen."

"Oh. Well, come with us. My apartment is only a couple blocks from here, and trust me, you're going to want to see this. Both of these tapes."

"God, tell me you are not tryin' to get me to watch B havin' sex with some girl." Faith teased. Well, it was half teasing.

Buffy paled even more.

"No!" She shouted. "I... I mean, no... No sex... Just... Just talking..."

Faith nodded. "Fine. Give me a couple minutes to get dressed."

"Just wear what you have on." Willow suggested, anxious for Faith to see the tapes.

Faith pushed the door open a little more so they could see her standing in the doorway wearing nothing but a bra and panties.

Both Willow and Buffy blushed.

"Okay, let's go." Faith said.

"Um... On second thought..."

"That's what I thought." Faith went back inside and started to close the door.

"Can we come in and wait? It's kind of hot out here." Willow asked.

"Um... I'm changin', remember?"

"Well, can't you change in the bathroom?"

Faith sighed. She really just didn't want them seeing her bags packed. But, can't be avoided now. Don't want to seem rude.

She pushed the door open and let them in. And they froze once they were inside and saw all her stuff packed away in boxes and bags.

"Going somewhere?" Buffy asked.

"Um... yeah. Bein'... kicked out. Can't keep up with rent." Faith lied.

"Is that your tv?" Willow asked, pointing to the small black box. Faith cursed under her breath.

"Yeah. Imagine that. Guess it wasn't stolen after all."

Willow rolled her eyes and put one of the tapes in, turning the tv on. "Might as well watch it here, since your secret's out now." She explained. Faith nodded grudgingly. Willow fast forwarded to the important part.

_ "What do you want?" _A hooker asked Buffy_._

_ "I want to know if you take female... clients?" _The hooker recoiled. Obviously, not many girls tried to pick her up.

_ "Excuse me?"_

_ "Well? Do you?"_

_ "Are you seriously trying to hook up with me? Or is this just some sort of prank?"_

_ "No. Seriously."_

_ "You sound kinda tired. Sure you can keep up?" _The hooker actually looked thrilled to finally have a female "client".

_ "I should be asking you the same thing." _Buffy chuckled sleepily_. "What's your name?"_

_ "What do you want it to be?"_

Buffy chuckled again.

Buffy leaned in and whispered something in the hooker's ear.

_"Okay. Faith it is." _The hooker said.

Faith flushed, and neither Buffy nor Faith could look at each other as Willow ejected the tape.

"So..." Faith said after about five minutes.

"Just wait." Willow said, her grin kind of fading a little. "There's another tape."

Willow popped in the second tape. Buffy herself hadn't watched this one yet.

Willow fast forwarded through Buffy getting up, getting dressed, and a large portion of Buffy walking down the streets and occasionally turning.

Finally, Willow let the tape play. Buff was walking up to another girl. This one was more Asian, and, of course, had on a short, blonde wig.

_"Hey." _Buffy said.

_"Hey. Think I've seen you around before. Always pick up a girl. Never a guy. Some kinda lesbian or something?"_

_ "Does it matter?"_

_ "You gonna pay?"_

_ "Yeah."_

_ "Cash?"_

_ "Yeah."_

_ "Then no, it don't matter none."_

_ "You know, you're actually very beautiful."_

_ "Yeah? Don't hear that one often. Heard hot. Sexy. Spankable. Don't think I've heard beautiful."_

_ "First time for everything. You are. Beautiful, I mean. And I bet you'd be much more beautiful without that wig on."_

_ "Wig draws in customers."_

_ "I'm already here. Lose the wig. I'm paying you, remember?"_

_ "I guess you are."_ The hooker got rid of the wig, and long, wavy brown hair cascaded down her shoulders.

_"Like I said. Much better."_

_ "What, you got a thing for brunettes or somethin'?"_

_ "Or something."_

_ "'Cause you always leave here with a brunette. Makes a girl curious."_

_ "I know that. It's intentional."_

_ "Right. So what's the name?"_

_ "What name?"_

_ "The name of the girl you want me to be. My name for the night."_

_ "Hmm... Faith. Satsu. Faith Satsu."_

_ "Faith Satsu? Odd name."_

_ "Two names."_

_ "Oh. I see. You got two girls, huh?"_

_ "That's my business. Let's go."_

_ "Your wish, my command." _The hooker smiled as Buffy lead her away.

Faith couldn't believe her ears, and neither could Buffy.

Had she _really_ just asked for both Faith... _and _Satsu?!

_"So? Why two names?"_

_ "I don't know. They're important."_

_ "So, you love these two girls?"_

Willow hadn't watched this far yet, either, and suddenly, all three turned their attention back to the tv.

_"They're important."_

_ "Yeah, I got that, but do you love them?"_

_ "I don't know."_

_ "Then you just know you wanna fuck them, huh?"_

_ "Maybe. I want more than that, though."_

_ "What? Thought you said you didn't love them?"_

_ "No, I said I didn't _know _if I loved them. But I do want more thanjust meaningless sex with them."_

_ "But meaningless sex is okay with me?"_

_ "No. It's not meaningless. Not to me."_

_ "Then what does it mean?"_

_ "I don't know. It just means something. For them."_

_ "Faith and Satsu?"_

_ "Yeah."_

_ "I think you love them."_

_ "Maybe."_

_ "But you don't know?"_

_ "No."_

_ "So let me get this straight, you come here, night after night, and you pick up a girl, and you give her two names. Faith and Satsu. These names mean something to you because you know the girls that own them. You know you want to fuck them, and that they mean more to you than just meaningless sex, but you don't know if you love them?"_

_ "That sounds about right. They're important to me. I need them."_

_ "For what?"_

_ "I don't know. I just do. And I don't usually give two names."_

_ "What?"_

_ "When I pick a girl up. I don't usually give her two names."_

_ "What name do you give her?"_

_ "Faith. Or Satsu. One or the other. This is the first time I gave both."_

_ "Why give me both of them?"_

_ "I don't know."_

_ "You don't know a lot, do you?"_

_ "No. Not really."_

_ "What _do_ you know?"_

_ "Their names. Them. And that they're important to me. I have to save them."_

_ "Save them? From what?"_

_ "I don't know."_

The tape stopped there. There was only enough room on it to get that much of the conversation.

"What was _that_ about?" Faith asked, but Buffy and Willow were just as confused.

"I don't know." Buffy admitted.

"Maybe you were having a Slayer dream while still under the spell?" Willow suggested.

"Nah. I woulda had it, too. That's the way it's always been for us when it comes to Slayer dreams. When one of us has one, the other one kinda joins in."

"Maybe the spell changed that this time."

"I doubt it." Buffy said. "Nothing's ever disrupted it before. It's just always been that way with us, ever since we met."

"So, it seems you two had a special bond all along." Willow said pointedly, and it didn't take a genius to figure out what she was getting at.

"What I don't get is how you don't know if you love someone." Faith said, her voice betraying her frustration.

Buffy sighed. "Look, I just don't know, okay? I mean, this spell is supposed to reveal the one I'm supposed to be with, and even dream me doesn't know if I love you guys."

"No, but you do know you wanna fuck us." Faith said, a cross between a snarl and a grin on her face. Willow decided it was suddenly time for her to leave, but Buffy and Faith were still talking.

Buffy was blushing furiously, unable to look at Faith right now, but Faith wasn't having that problem now.

"So what's your deal, huh? You can dream you're fuckin' me, but you can't actually do it? I mean, you know I'd more than likely be willin', yet, it's okay for you to _want_ to fuck me, but not okay to actually _think_ about it?" Faith was angry. Buffy could tell.

"I... I don't know what's wrong with me." Buffy admitted, and she actually started crying.

What the hell was that? Faith was all mad, and it felt good! Being mad makes her feel strong! And she was about to _really_ lay into her! But then Buffy pulls out the waterworks, and Faith felt her anger fade.

"Fuck." Faith muttered under her breath. "B, there's nothin' wrong with ya."

"There's... There isn't?"

"No, you're fuckin' perfect in every fuckin' way."

"You don't sound very sincere."

"Well, I am. And that's the fuckin' kicker, isn't it? I mean, I been fuckin' S for a few weeks, then, because she can't stand bein' so close to ya knowin' you don't love her back, she fuckin' up and leaves me, and only when she's gone do I finally get it through my fuckin' head that I love her, but I'm still in love with you at the same damn time. Then, you go and you say you wanna fuck me, and you wanna fuck her, but you're not gonna act on it, and it pisses me off, but I can't fuckin' stay mad at you, because you're cryin', and it hits me yet again that I'm in love with you and Satsu at the same goddamn, mother fuckin' time." Now Faith is the one crying, and Buffy's left speechless.

"I... uh..."

"Yeah. Imagine that. Been keepin' my heart locked up for so long that once I finally let it back out and realize I still have one, it start's to fuckin' overwhelm me, and I fall in love with two girls at the same time. Both of them want to fuck me, one of them knows she's in love with me, but she's also in love with the other girl I'm in love with, and the other girl I'm in love with wants to fuck the first girl, too! It's so fuckin' confusin'! All I want is to be happy, and I finally have the chance to be happy, by goin' to Japan, followin' the one who's actually in love with me, and maybe even have a nice relationship with her, but then things start to fuckin' heat up over here, and I'm gonna have to call her back and cancel, because I'm needed here!"

They both sit on the bed, silent for a while, until Faith's frustration builds up until she can't help but...

"AAAAAAAARGH!" Scream. And the scream made Buffy flinch at first, but when she doesn't stop, Buffy does the only thing she can to silence her. She kisses her.

And the kiss is so sweet that neither of them wants to separate.

Suddenly, Buffy's shirt is being ripped off and thrown across the room, and her pants join them seconds later. Their undergarments are gone just as quickly, and they each bury two fingers deep inside each other, and they're grinding against each other's hands, passionately. They're aggressive, relentless, fast and hard. It's almost a contest to see who can make the other scream first.

And Buffy loses.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGHH! FAITH!" Her back arches so much, she's almost folded in half, and Faith continues thrusting inside her hard and fast, prolonging Buffy's orgasm for as long as possible.

"Fuck!" Buffy gasps when she comes down, and Faith withdraws her fingers, and wipes them on the bedsheet. Buffy senses Faith is starting to get angry again, and she thinks it's because she stopped touching Faith while she was coming. So, she reached over and placed her hand between Faith's legs, and slips two fingers back inside her.

But then Faith moved. She got up off the bed, leaving Buffy lying there. She walked across the room and found Buffy's clothes, then tossed them to her.

"What?" Buffy asked.

"What?" Faith asked back.

"What's wrong?"

"You got what you wanted. I fucked you. So, you came, now time to go."

"But... I thought..."

"Yeah? Well, that was your first mistake. You thought."

"But... You said... You said you loved me..."

"Yeah? But you don't love me."

"I... I never said that."

"Sure you did. Remember? I walk into your apartment, I got all dressed up, stupidly thinkin' there was a chance you might have the same feelings I have for you, and I'm actually nervous about talkin' to ya, but I come out with it, and I say it. "I love you, Buffy." I even used your full name, so you wouldn't think I was lyin' just so I could get some. I stand there, waitin', and when I see the tears in your eyes,I start thinkin' somethin's wrong, I made a mistake, and I feel _sick_ Buffy, I just feel _sick_, and then you smile. God, what a beautiful fuckin' smile you've got, and it makes me hope again, that maybe, just maybe, you love me too, and then you say Satsu, and how she's in love with you too, but you're not gay. And just like that, I feel _sick_ again. Then, you fuckin' _kiss_ me! And again, I hope! I hope that maybe you'll kiss me, and you'll realize you love me after all! But then you send me packin', not sayin' that you're not in love with me, not sayin' that you're not gay, not sayin' you only see me as a friend, but that you feel _nothing!_ Nothing! _That's_ when you said you didn't love me! And _that's_ why I started fuckin' S! And _that_ lead me to fall in love with _her_, but it was too late! And damn it! After all the fuckin' _pain_ you've caused me over the years, but _especially_ these past few weeks, I _still_ fucking love you! And you don't give a _shit_ about me! So you wanna know why I'm not gonna let you touch me? You wanna know why I'm sayin' get gone? _That's_ why! Because I am _finally_ pullin' myself together and movin' on!"

Buffy sat on the bed, horrified, and sobbing hysterically, and Faith is afraid that any second now, her anger will fade, and she'll apologize to Buffy and let her do whatever she wants to her. But the anger doesn't fade this time. In fact, the more she hears Buffy crying, the more she sees Buffy still naked, on her bed, shaking, the angrier Faith gets.

But it's not at Buffy anymore. She's angry with herself for making Buffy cry, and that makes her mad at herself that she lets Buffy affect her this way.

Enraged at her inability to stay angry at the blonde, Faith turns and punches the first thing she can find. It was a picture. A picture of Diana. The only thing she had left of her first Watcher.

And suddenly, Faith is on the ground, hugging her knees to her chest, staring at the broken picture frame of the first person who ever cared about her. And she's crying, too.


	7. Going On Hiatus

Hiatus message:

I'm sorry to all my fans out there, but until further notice, this story is going on hiatus. There could be a variety of reasons:

A) I'm too caught up in writing one of my other stories, and can't find the time to write this one,

B) My computer is glitching at the moment, and I can't write anything AT ALL,

C) I've got a serious caseof Writer's Block, and can't stay focused enough to write anything,

D) A family emergency has taken up my time, and I don't have time to write at the moment,

E) A vacation has taken up my time, and I don't have time to write anything,

F) I'm just not feeling this story right now, and I don't wish to compromise it by forcing it out when it's just not happening,

G) etc.

Again, I apologize for disappointing you, but I just can't continue this story right now. Don't worry, though,I DO plan on returning to it eventually!


End file.
